Lay off from Lay off
After about 3 months of being unemployed the Ohio unemployment Benefits department (I wonder what happens when you get laid off from there….) calls me and tells me that as of now I’ll be essentially getting a raise on my weekly checks. After my promotion I made sure that my roommate Jeremy called me Mr. Jacobs being that I was his superior in the field of unemployment (keep on reaching Jeremy). Another month went by of me diligently embracing my duties of being unemployed…
So then I get a call from my old job Struktol at like 8am. I ignore the phone call because they were interrupting me in my peak work hours (sleep) but then it rang again and I lost my concentration so I figured I might as well pick it up. Turns out as of Monday I’m employed again.
WHAT
THE
FUCK
I mean what have I done wrong?! I called OUBD but they just put me on hold, obviously they are too chicken shit to talk to me like a man….recording….person. Just to rub it in they want me to go into first shift too so I can get up in the morning like normal people. FUCK THAT! Normal? I wanna be different like everyone else! I really want to lash out right now at the unemployment department and be productive before going back to work but I’m gonna keep a level head. No need to burn any bridges you know?
Posted on May 1, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Honestly I smell a corporate scheme and Jeremy is probably the ring leader seeing as he still holds his position.
Posted on May 2, 2009 at 8:39 am
The other day I was walking along and there was this caterpillar crawling across my path. I just sort of started staring at its colors and stuff, when the thing rears its head at me and says, “do you want something?”
At first I said, “No!” but then I was like, “Well, I am kind of thirsty.”
He said, “That’s too bad,” and then he takes out his water bottle and TAKES A SWIG OF WATER RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!
Caterpillars are rude.
Posted on May 2, 2009 at 9:14 am
That reminds me! You know what I hate?! Toothpaste (that’s right I answered for you because you wouldn’t know the damn answer anyways, sit down).
Why does it always gotta leave your breath smelling like you were chewing gum? Think about it for a minute! The possibilities!
MMmmmmm
Posted on May 2, 2009 at 9:43 am
What do you want it to leave your breath smelling like? Ass? ( that’s right, I answered for you)
Posted on May 2, 2009 at 9:59 am
If you had looked at my OBVIOUSLY placed visual aid you would see that I was insinuating (but not limiting to) bacon toothpaste.
Posted on May 3, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Hmm! Bacon Flav. Toothpaste……
Why not just take the leap and make it BLT Paste. Yum !!!
What if they made an Asparagus toothpaste…
Do you think your pee would still smell funny?
Posted on May 1, 2009 at 10:51 pm
It sounds to me like your position, amongst the unemployed, was filled by other shoes.
Welcome back to grovelling for a living!